Day 15 Elephants, Prostitutes, Insects and Kickboxing
When I think back to that Thai beach, I remember seeing a Buddhist Temple on top of a mountain overlooking the crowded coastline. I can picture the monks looking down at the mass of humanity glad not to be part of that experience. As our rigorous tour continued deeper into the depth of Thai culture, I began to seek the solace of a quiet place but understood that the itinerary led towards the opposite.
We ventured deep into the heart of the Thai tourist trade. In this case, it was elephants playing soccer, elephants throwing darts at balloons, elephants riding tricycles, elephants being fed bunches of bananas from the spectators, elephants sinking baskets, elephants twirling hula hoops with their trunks, elephants basically being human. Although astonishing to watch, one wonders how much abuse these elephants had to endure before they performed their assigned tasks. After the show, Mary stood beside a smelly elephant to enhance her photogenic appeal. The elephant went one step further and picked Mary using it’s trunk and held her high in the air. Once again, consult my Facebook profile for the actual photo. The look of surprise on my wife’s face is genuine and will go down as one of the top ten photos we have ever taken!
Naturally, after seeing elephants perform we were required to ride them. As a male, I found this to be one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life. The only way I avoided a grinding pain in my groin was if I swung both my legs onto one side of the elephant. This was dangerous since I could easily slip off this mammoth beast and experience a cushioned fall into elephant dung. Speaking of elephant dung, the elephants managed to avoid their comrades’ feces by effortlessly zig zagging around the large piles. My legs began swaying and repeatedly kicking the poor elephant in the ears. I do not think my movements were even registered by the mammal though. Our “driver” steered this poor animal by driving a crowbar directly on an open sore between the flapping ear and the skull.
We ate supper at a more authentic Thai restaurant with hundreds of Koreans. There was quite a large business party of Koreans enjoying Korean themed Karaoke music. Our tour guide was quite upset that the originally scheduled Thai entertainment was bumped in favour of this out of tune wailing.
We were then whisked away to a magic show. The theatre felt like the basement of a five-year-old boy’s home that was painstakingly prepared to entertain the reluctant neighbours. I believe I suffered extreme noise fatigue as the loud music, darkened stage and flashing lights successfully convinced the crowd that things were disappearing on stage. Once outside, I discovered that although it was already 10 p.m. the night was young. My fatigue had to be ignored for what was coming next.
Before I beginning describing the SECOND half of this day of sensory overload, allow me to recall some other curious Thai tidbits… Freeways around Bangkok are elevated because of the prevalent marshland. No Thai residential housing has a basement because of the unstable ground. The Thai road system is exactly like the British, with the steering wheel on the right and you must always keep left. Bangkok itself is a mass of high rise buildings surrounding shanty towns. There are few middle-class apartments, unlike South Korea where they dominate the skyline.
So then we experienced the nightlife of Pattaya along the beach. This was by far the most overwhelming red-light district I have ever encountered. The majority of prostitutes wore Catholic school-girl uniforms and held signs in bad English that enticed any horny male tourist. At least every other prostitute used to be a man but that didn’t stop chubby pale foreigners from disappearing into the alleyways with them. Strippers performed in glass bubbles perched high above the street. Still more prostitutes seemed to stand in the middle of rectangular bars eyeing prospective customers as they sat down for a drink. Street peddlers don’t just call out to you here, they grab you!
Perhaps the height of this sensory overload was securing ringside seats of a Kickboxing match. These “retired” kickboxers didn’t allow their status to undermine the value of a good tip. Every so often they would rest while an intermission took place involving snake charmers. Of course ringside seats were not the ideal spot for this spectacle as the snakes were dumped onto the boxing ring from a canvas bag. The charmer occasionally swung these snakes by the tail just missing our gullible noggins. In some instances, the scaly serpents slithered silently towards our vulnerable laps ready to render our reproductive organs useless. Somehow the charmer stopped them just in time but not before I felt many urges to relieve myself.
After that violent exhibition, we trudged towards a street vendor frying up insects. On the menu today were cockroaches, scorpions, silkworms, grubs and beetles. Our guide and Apa purchased an assortment, intent on consuming them. They did so a mere meter from our faces. However, no juicy intestines squeezed out under the pressure of their jaws. These creepy crawlies were thankfully already dried. All Mary and I heard was crunching and swishing saliva.
And of course, after midnight we had a Thai massage once again. This time I felt slightly more comfortable but still winced as the sharp crack of my joints being pulled apart shattered the otherwise tranquil atmosphere. Two hours later Mary and I stumbled into bed beleaguered by the events of the day.
Day 16 An insight into the Korean tourist industry
To make a long story short…(actually to make this part of the story short) we were very surprised to spend a total of 6 hours visiting mattress, honey, jewellery and gift stores today. Mind you, while presentations in Korean were going on at these fine establishments, I secured a comfortable position on a mattress in the showroom, partook in too many free samples of honey (one that was unknowingly the initial hormone produced by bees that caused excessive internal vomitation), enjoyed the view from the 50th floor of a high-rise and explored the surrounding neighbourhood respectively.
You see folks, Koreans are able to obtain deeply discounted vacations if they agree to the timeless time-share principle that North Americans usually associate with condominiums. In this case, MILLIONS of Koreans explore Southeast Asia using these whirlwind tours while being perfectly aware that the end of the rainbow does not reveal a pot of gold, but a pot of crap. Of course, besides the businesses, the people that benefit most from these arrangements are the tour guides that work entirely on commission throughout the course of your holiday. So if you feel a strong bond with your guide and then avoid purchasing any mattresses, jewellery, honey or Korean gifs, you have essentially said thanks for nothing. I sense that guilt caused many Koreans to purchase unnecessary items to honour the hard work of their guides.
The problem here was that Mary and I were not aware of this arrangement until after the mattress stop. The last day of our loosely translated itinerary indicated free time back in Bangkok. It was only after one of the sisters explained the situation that we finally understood why this whole tour was so “Korean.” Even though we visited Thailand, the country of Korea accompanied us the whole way.
That being said, to us it was still an exotic vacation in Thailand since Korea was just as foreign to us as Thailand. As a person employed in the travel industry myself, I though this was a fascinating way to fuse the Korean tourist with Korean retail outside of the mother country. Unlike Canada who whines that valuable tourist dollars are spent in the U.S, Korea simply brings all of its merchandise with its people wherever they go. Apparently, there are already many such arrangements in North America for Korean and Japanese tourists. Our hosts told us that travellers from these countries prefer the comforts of home while abroad. What a perfect way to fuse all of this together…
And how did our hosts react to this bombardment of sales pitches?…with unbelievable patience and courtesy of course. Although, Ama fell asleep on one of the mattresses after leaving the presentation early and whole family looked ready to pack it in while listening to the benefits of skin cream laced with honey. Mary and I escaped all of these presentation throughout the day since they were all in Korean. At the gift store, I managed to wander away and venture deep into the heart of Bangkok. Of interest were the famous three-wheeled taxis and hundreds of stray dogs. At the jewellery store, the incredible view of Bangkok from the 50th floor held my interest for most of the time.
Mixed into the day were some more touristy experiences such as a tiger zoo where the main attraction was a piglet sleeping with a tiger cub, a crocodile farm where you fed them meat hanging from a fishing pole and a petting zoo that included very docile camels, apes and wallabies. Of course lunch was at a Korean restaurant conveniently placed at the entrance of the tiger zoo.
Alas, the Thai experience was coming to a close but not before Apa surprised us with a dinner cruise through Bangkok instead of enduring a six hour wait at the airport (that some families elected to do). As we waited for the boat, we strolled along a Thai market where the smoke from food vendors stung our eyes because of the spices. Mary purchased some paper umbrellas and was quite proud of the deals she got.
The boat cruise was beautiful as some of the temples we saw during the daytime were illuminated very tastefully at night. Numerous bright five star hotels indicating full occupancy straddled the river Apa and Ama happily danced the night away oblivious for the time being to the unreasonable work schedules that faced them back home in Korea. The girls ate a splendid meal with us and all in all, this successful “mini-trip” came to a satisfying close.
Unfortunately, the Bangkok airport had different plans for us. A long dark shuttle ride resulted in our discovery of a flight delayed by four hours. This gave me a chance to explore the most gigantic terminal I’ve ever walked through. Since I had so much time, I actually measured it to be the length of three football fields! Every culture in the world seemed to congregate here.
The little brother occupied himself with marathon games of Jenga. The rest of the family seemed intent on finishing the hundreds of pounds of fruit they purchased throughout our holiday. The flight home seemed very short (we arrived in the early morning) and somehow Apa drove an additional four hours south to Kwangju. The energy level of Apa and Ama was astounding. We only stopped at one rest area just long enough for me to admire the aquariums above the urinals and the immaculate bonsai trees filtering the smoke of nearby squid barbequing over hot coals. In a way, it felt like we were home again.
We walked into our room at the Castle motel and crashed. I used to think I was an energetic traveller but this family has put my oomph to shame. Mary and I mentally bowed down to our hosts, in awe of their stamina.
In the next report, we experience our final days in Korea with the most remarkable family on the planet before Mary and I embark on solo journey to Hong Kong.
