Day 11 A Korean school…
Although my wife may find me the best looking man on this planet, I doubt any others would agree. Until of course, I entered an all-girls school in South Korea. Now, I could have attained this celebrity status because of my enormous size, blond hair, sparkling blue eyes, beer gut, mammoth feet… bottom line is, allow me to feel like Brad Pitt, if only for one hour.
Mary and I killed some time in the morning by watching more Korean game shows. Korean T.V. is set up far more intelligently that ours. Commercials only appear after any show is aired instead of during. Of course this means extended washroom breaks for everyone. Hour-long shows only last 40 minutes and half-hour shows last only 20 minutes. Mind you, how do advertisers reach this non-captive audience??
The game shows in question this morning involved two men trying to dig their way under a heavy metal cage placed in loose dirt. The other show involved a man trying to race a backhoe. He had to fill a wheelbarrow with dirt using a shovel faster than a backhoe could fill a dump truck. Entertainment at its finest folks!
We entered our hosts’ apartment and smelled the remains of their breakfast. No wonder these people are so healthy. They had consumed quite a large number of fish. We met a friend who seemed quite pre-occupied about her weight even though she was extremely skinny by North American standards. She was also very worried about visiting her old school today. There was a math teacher still teaching at the school that frightened her. This was going to be quite a show.
Before we arrived at the school, Ama took us to an exclusive clothing shop owned by a friend of hers. Once again, her generosity was overwhelming. Mary came out with a brand new pair of shoes and I came out with a full stomach. No, I didn’t eat clothes but was served a very fibre-rich drink that once again confirmed Koreans are the fittest people on Earth. It was as thick as porridge and tasted just as healthy. They did offer to buy me a wallet but I politely declined. Men’s wallets in Korea are the size of a small rectangular purse and don’t seem to fit into pockets…
The school we visited was perched on top of a hill. The walk up was quite steep once again confirming that Koreans know how to keep in shape. I dragged my lard-ass up to the front gate and encountered a very large sign. Our host told us the sign was announcing the successful achievements of one of the school’s former students. Schools here are very competitive and regularly try to outdo each other with headlines.
All classes were in session as we tiptoed to the staff room. Once inside, our host’s friend encountered THE math teacher. I half expected to see some carnage but they simply exchanged a polite nod. The staff room itself looked like a typical North American office, namely a cubicle wasteland. However, there was one alarming difference. Students freely walked in and out crowding around certain cubicles. It resembled the atmosphere of visiting your University professors during their office hours right before a major exam.
Some of the female students turned towards me with a look of surprise on their face but restrained themselves in front of their superiors. Later on, this was not the case.
The principal, informed of our arrival, beckoned us inside his mammoth office. We sat at a very low and long table surrounded by eight plush chairs and consumed green tea. Across from the four of us, the principal, vice-principal, gym teacher (a male with manicured eyebrows) and various English language teachers (Koreans, depending on availability) anxiously awaited what we had to say. I will spare you from most of the educational jargon, but Mary and I learned some interesting facts such as:
- Many teachers carry around a Bamboo stick in event corporal punishment was the only option. However, the sight of it keeps the students in line 99% of the time.
- If students are drowsy, the teachers will make them stand at the back of the classroom for the entire lesson.
- Most students attend classes from early morning to late afternoon and then participate in supervised homework until 10:00 p.m. at night. They rarely see their families. Teachers are subject to the same hours.
- Students almost LIVE at the school. Lunch and supper are provided as well as many outdoor wash basins for brushing teeth and freshening up.
- The uniform dress code is very strict. It is quite impossible to differentiate between students as even their hairstyles must be the same.
We were taken to the cafeteria where mass hysteria ensued simply because I waved. My celebrity status had begun. The principal insisted we stay for lunch. The food was plentiful and delicious including duck soup and won-tons.
Although Mary was a bit of a celebrity herself as well as our hosts (whom the schoolgirls marvelled at because they had the freedom of fashion and hairstyling now at their disposal), I was still the centre of attention. This became very obvious as we walked into a Grade 12 classroom.
Words cannot describe the decibel level of the screams and the look of utter amazement on the faces. Please see the pictures I will eventually post up on my NEW website and on Facebook. The girls appointed one of their own to stand up and ask me questions. Here are the questions and my answers:
“Do I like Korea?” “Yes, I love Korea.”
Can I speak French?” “Only a little but I am fluent in German.”
“Do I like Korean food?” “Yes, except raw liver and cow stomach lining.”
“Do you think Korean girls are prettier than Canadian girls?”
Allow me to digress for a moment regarding that last question. Mary’s glare burned through my skull at that moment. At the same time, forty pairs of dark eyes waited anxiously for my educated response. The earth seemed to stop rotating as the duck soup gurgled too loudly in my stomach. What could I say that wouldn’t have me lynched by my powerful wife or mangled by sensitive Asian schoolgirls. I swallowed slowly, took a deep breath and said quote,
“I think you are ALL very pretty.”
Pandemonium erupted on an immense scale but in a good way. I think I did alright… Everyone was still giggling and smiling. Even the teacher nodded his approval.
I left my celebrity status at the door and became poor ‘ol Steve again. That is not to say that we all of a sudden simply melted undetected into Korean society again. We were still pointed at, stared at, questioned, poked, prodded but with not with such intensity ever again.
To recover, our hosts took us for some banana milk and then Apa picked us up. He had another amazing tour planned for us.
We drove to the coast and visited another seafood market. Of particular interest was a creature that seemed to resemble a perfectly moulded chunk of human feces. It also squirted water when squeezed. Across the street was a very energetic shopkeeper who tried to sell us baby octopuses. She picked them up by sliding her finger into their heads!
The heat today was particularly unbearable so Apa toured us through some fascinating air-conditioned art galleries and museums about folk history, currency, natural rock sculptures and natural history.
We ate at a scrumptious Chinese restaurant back in Kwangju in our own private room. There were so many dishes a lazy Susan helped us access all of them. After dinner the ladies went shopping while Apa drove the little boy and I up to a stunning scenic viewpoint high above the city. There we consumed beans and flavoured shaved ice. It was a great way to end another amazing day.
Next week we visit Bangkok, Thailand and encounter the she-males.
