California Trip Report #6
Well folks, this is it! Another vacation is about to come to an end. I can
already hear the teenagers filing into my class ready to make music for another
year. Consciously, I never think about the first day of school until the night
before. However, subconsciously, you wouldn't believe how often I'm already
thinking about it. The same thing happens every year...my dreams are so vivid
and real that when I finally wake up, I can't believe it didn't happen...
I've received some requests from people about sending them trip reports from
past years. Yes, I have them all saved. Please feel free to request any
additional reports at any time. Currently, I have trip reports from our journeys
to California, Alaska, Europe, The Bahamas, New York City (with 70 teenagers),
Mexico, Florida and Venezuela. I have countless writings amassed from other
vacations but they have always remained as personal travel journals. Perhaps I
should resurrect those and re-format them into trip reports too!
Why am I telling all of you this? Your kind words, encouragements and
compliments about my writing skills have prompted me to explore further what I
am able to achieve. Time is the only issue...
So here we go with last report about this vacation...
It took us 1 hour and 15 minutes to level the trailer today. "Levelling" the
trailer essentially means making sure mom's hair curlers don't roll off the
kitchen table. We were being laughed at by our fellow campers (who themselves
should be laughed at because they have nothing better to do than watch a
struggling Canadian family level a trailer.) The trailer was finally level once
we located some of my mother's frozen two year old meatloaf.
My mother usually goes insane during an extended period of time of levelling.
She becomes very impatient, begins pacing furiously and eventually starts
kicking the immense tires of our truck very violently. At this point, my father
loses his temper and rolls up the windows ignoring her directions. My lovely
wife, using her own brand of hand signals, looks like a stoned stewardess trying
to point out the emergency exits. I usually wander off by this point to check
out the cleanliness of the showers.
Mary is "almost done" her cross-stitching. She has almost cross-stitched 110 by
140 X’s (it takes 4 stitches to make an X) There were 23 colours most being
brown and grey. It has been a solid stitching project...no white. All of you are
welcome by invitation only if you ask to see her cross-stitched final product. I
have a funny feeling I'll be seeing it in under ten minutes. She wants to frame
this sucker and display it very prominently in our house. However, I refuse to
take down my Pink Floyd poster to make way for this demonic cross-stitch of a
rodent long since passed away.
So today we drove up to Virginia City, Nevada. Chances are 99% of you reading
this have never read of Virginia City, Nevada. Neither had I until we read a
tour book. Virginia City was one of the biggest cities in the West back in the
1870s. It all had to do with the discovery of silver. Today, the Western mining
town has been transformed into the "husbands find a scummy saloon with bra
straps handing from the rafters while the wives endlessly shop in Western themed
shops that all look the same" kind of town...
Okay, Mary wants a big drum roll... she has finished her cross-stitching. She has
just requested that I "model" it for her while she looked at it from a distance.
I'm now currently in the doghouse because I decided to adjust the angle
constantly for her viewing pleasure...
So then we headed to Reno. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't their slogan,
"Biggest Little City In The World" supposed to create an imagine of a lively
town? It couldn't have been more the opposite. We felt like we were in an
episode of the Twilight Zone as we walked the short strip of neon lights and
casinos. My father had a point though...Reno didn't try to hide what it was,
namely a gambling town. However, it also didn't try to hide how dead, lame and
pathetic it was on a Friday night. My mother tried to liven up the party by
purchasing a 32 oz margarita but it ended up tasting like stale lemonade... Other
non-highlights included motels advertising that they had COLOR T.V. We knew when
to split... my mother was happily back at the campsite by 9:30.
We did hit a pub for supper earlier on that advertised great pizza. It was one
of the best meals we've ever had! Mary and I ordered the breath-buster pizza
that had garlic, onions and pepperoni. They also had a huge variety of
micro-brewed beer for $2.50 a pint. We ordered seven among the three of us while
my mother indulged on 7up...
Upon retiring that night, I gassed Mary clear out of bed. Who knew such a
harmless meal could ignite such a fiery response. My father did the more
gentlemanly thing and wandered around the dark campsite in his pyjamas until the
lethal concoction was fully blown out of his system. My mother was spared...my
wife was not.
So today was the first of three longer drives north. We left California and
headed back into Oregon. Did I mention that all gas pumps in Oregon are by law
full service? Perhaps this is done to create more jobs? My mother-in-law would
love this place. She has proudly declared on numerous occasions that she has
never pumped gas in her life.
Our campsite featured neighbours who were working on the engine in their pick-up
truck. We experienced a "say no to crack" visual as we watched the husband bend
over the hood to work. The wife warned us that one of more of her countless cats
may become a stowaway in our trailer if we left a storage compartment open. Ah
yes...we were in for an interesting night...
I've forgotten to mention one of the most disturbing moments that Mary and I
experience every morning in the trailer. The miniature earthquake...allow me to
explain...
Every morning we are shaken awake by my shuffling parents. Imagine a bowl of
jello sitting in a medium sized glass bowl. How much movement does it take for
the jello to jiggle? Folks, we are that jello. Since my parents get up at an
ungodly hour each morning, our slumber hours are reduced dramatically. My
father, being a fairly big man, is around 7.0 on the Richter scale when he moves
while my much smaller mother provides the aftershocks. Mary usually gets really
cranky and initially thinks it is me tossing and turning... So, as usual, I get in
trouble.
We drove another 500 km north today. With a lunch stop and smaller breaks, that
usually translates into 7 hours. You are all probably wondering what goes on in
that car for all that time... allow me to explain...
My mother usually falls asleep within seconds and begins her bobble-head
routine. Her head will calmly tilt forward and then snap back aggressively if
the road has but the slightest bump.
My wife is done her cross-stitching now so she is deep into a book. Problem is,
we could pass the ancient pyramids of Gaza yet she will not look up and
acknowledge whatever MAJOR attraction I point out...
My father prefers to drive in complete silence. As reported in the last trip
report, he will not tolerate ANYTHING on the radio including talk radio. And god
forbid if my mother or wife gives him a candy. The sound of saliva sloshing
around in his mouth over the dull purr of the truck engine is enough to send me
diving out the passenger side window...
And what do I do? Listen to my father, try to point out attractions to my wife
and wisely leave my mother alone.
Tonight was a great meal of shrimp linguine and garlic bread. We drank as much
alcohol as we could so we wouldn't be slapped with a duty at the border. Please
feel pity for us...
So tomorrow we return to our campground in Vancouver. I know there is an
internet connection there so I'll send this last report at that time. Who knows
how much more I'll have to add. A great deal can happen in a day when Mary and I
travel in a trailer with my parents!
Well, here we are in Vancouver on the last day of our vacation. The weather is
sunny and warm. Would you believe we only had one day of rain in our whole
vacation? That day was the day our flight arrived in Vancouver... I can't believe
it! Sure, it was pretty cold on the Pacific Coast but it didn't rain. Wow, that
must be a record...travel for a month and no rain! Did I mention we didn't run
into rain the entire vacation except for one day?
So today was an easy drive except for the Olympia/Tacoma/Seattle corridor. I
swear that area has as many people as Canada. The traffic was insane. I forgot
to mention that Portland, Oregon seems like a beautiful city. We only passed
through it yesterday but I've never see such a green city in my life! Mary and I
were there about 4 years ago but only had time to be involved in a beer
festival. We don't remember anything else...
So we are staying in the same campground that over a month ago served as home
base for Day 1 of our vacation. Tomorrow (Tuesday) our flight leaves at 11:30
a.m. Pacific Standard Time. I can't believe I have a staff meeting already at
school on Thursday...
Folks, thank you so much for taking the time to read my trip reports once again.
Mary and I are planning trips south at Christmas and March Break, so hopefully
I'll be able to send some reports off after those vacations. Unfortunately, I
wasn't able to send one after our St. Martin experience this March or my trip to
Washington D.C. with 44 teenagers in May. Who knows, maybe I'll backtrack and
send those off sometime soon! So don't be surprised if you receive retrograde
trip reports in the very near future!
Have a great fall everyone! If I have not heard from you yet over the duration
of this trip, please drop me a note. If I have heard from you, looking forward
to hearing from you again!
Goodbye West Coast, hello Ottawa! (sniff)
Steve
