Hi everybody!
I'm back because of popular demand. I received so many great comments about my
last mass E-mail that I have taken it upon myself to become a professional mass
E-mailer. I find writing these things much more rewarding than reality T.V.!
I hope all of you have started off the New Year right! Mary and I traveled (as
usual) during the Xmas break. Our trip was awesome! I have decided to summarize
it in 20 easy to understand points for your reading enjoyment.
1. The voyage south gained us a full 10C by the time we hit Fredericksburg,
Virginia (1200 km later) on our first night! Yep...it was -12C in Ottawa when we
left and -2 in Fredericksburg. It was so balmy I decided to frolic in some of
the wonderful SNOWBANKS that were in the motel parking lot. I even slipped on
the ICE for good measure...
2. The next day we made it all the way to one hour south of Tampa Bay. Mary
doesn't remember any of our auto voyage since she SLEPT the entire time. Even
the rousing tours of various rest areas didn't seem to motivate her. However,
when she did wake up, the snort was sufficient to scare the #%@! out of me and
almost run me off the road.
3. The weather that night was still cool enough to keep beer drinkable. However,
the next morning we started the day off on a positive (temperature, that is)
note... The greasy Pizza Hut dinner from the night before wasn't sitting too
well though...
4. We picked my sister up at the Tampa Bay airport. The U.S. was on an orange
alert so Mary enjoyed all the puppies walking around the airport. Did you know
the Tampa airport has more aquariums than baggage conveyers?
5. Our residence for the next 7 nights was a house that we rented with my
parents west of Fort Myers. It was in a very new community called Cape Coral.
The view of the construction equipment was splendid from our lanai...yes...we
had our own private pool heated by solar heat. It worked really well...we could
leave our toe in the water for over five seconds without it falling off...
6. A "gated" community was next to our house. My father and I were drawn like a
deer to headlights by the beautiful Christmas lights that shone in that "gated"
community. However, because it was "gated" my wonderful wife refused to let us
jump the "gate.” She controls two Pankiewicz men now...sigh...
7. During one of the first days the women found amazing local attractions like
Walgreen’s and J.C. Penny. My father and I were left to mumble to each other as
we explored the beauty of traffic lights...
8. We bought a basket of shrimp for our Christmas Eve dinner...I was forced to
behead countless crustaceans. It was a bonding event for our family...
9. The weather irritated my mother, which meant it was sunny and very warm! Only
on Christmas day was it a bit cool...a perfect excuse for the ladies to shop in
a heated Walgreen’s, which by the way are always open.
10. We traveled to the elite city of Naples. The women found a mall while my
father and I walked the beach and admired the scenery. Only a few Canadians
seemed to be swimming... The condos along the beach housed people with incomes
greater than the GNP of a small European country...
11. The ladies joined us later to repeat that exact same walk. The Canadians
were still swimming but seemed to be encased in ice...
12. Mary and my mother made wonderful meals. As usual, Mary's spicy meals caused
me to lose half my body weight, my dad to prove how tolerant he is, my mom to
have a coughing fit and my sister to laugh hysterically... Mary calmly added
more Thai curry paste while being entertained by my family...
13. We also explored the islands of Sanibel and Captiva. Beautiful lush
vegetation was so abundant that it almost rivaled the quantity found in my
mother-in-law's living room. The ladies found some WONDERFUL shops while my
father and I explored more beaches and scenery... We found a wildlife sanctuary
where we saw gators, pinkish like birds and even some ants!
14. After the exciting week, Mary and I traveled to Miami for some wild action.
We played hopscotch with jellyfish strewn all over Miami Beach and watched as
huge waves tore the bathing suits off the sparkling white Canadians...
15. We admired all the beautiful restaurants lining the main strip and choose to
eat at a fine dining establishment called Fat Tuesday's.
16. Between the fine crime infested cities of Miami and Miami Beach, there are
islands on which the "STARS" live. We admired their lovely gates and 20-foot
walls.
17. Then came the Florida Keys...a series of swamps linked by concrete.
Actually, they were quite beautiful. Mangrove trees were perfect hiding spots
for tourist-eating gators. The water was a beautiful blue-green laden with Nemos…
18. We met up with my parents at a campground with the population density of a
rock concert... We lived together quite comfortable in their trailer. My 6'3
frame fit very well in the 3'1 shower stall...
19. Our greatest adventure came while on a very expensive snorkeling excursion.
After a pleasant 15 minutes snorkeling and swelling with the waves (I felt so
relieved to donate my lunch to the many tropical fish down below), I proceeded
to admire the bottom of our boat for the next two hours. My father, tolerant as
always was quite impressed as a flurry of fish swam around him snapping up this
fresh food that my illness had provided.
20 Our drive home came at a wonderful time where we could share it will all the
residents of Boston, New York City, Baltimore, Washington and Philadelphia on
I-95. It was such a leisurely stop and go time that Mary and I could enjoy
watching our fellow road warriors explore their nasal cavities. Rest areas were
impossible to access so Mary did all her resting in the car again. I was forced
to listen to Michael Jackson defend himself on the radio...
So there you have it... As I said before...if I get a personal response from you
regarding this letter or just for kicks, I will get back to you with my own...
I'm wondering what to write about for February already...
Your relative or friend (I would hope)
Steve Pankiewicz
