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How to survive New York City with Seventy Teenagers
Welcome, ladies and gentleman to the most stressful and rewarding four days of
my life. Before I begin my story, allow me to supply you with some background
information. Over half of these great students of mine had never been outside of
Ontario or Quebec before this trip. 90% of these students envisioned New York
City to be like what their main source of education, MTV told them it would be
like. 100% of these students had not walked more than a kilometer at a time in
their lives. 80% of these students did not realize that no sleep + endless
walking = violent vomiting. 25% of these students were soon to discover that
exaggerating various forms of illness brought comforting attention from the
opposite sex... should I go on? I have a quote for all of you that will set the
tone for this story:
"If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you
might as well laugh about it now"
Marie Osmond. quoted by Jeanne Wolf in Redbook
Day 1 Small Rural Community East of Ottawa to New York City
4:00 a.m. This was a day for the record books, as most parents would agree.
Their beloved teenagers woke up earlier than they did, were enthusiastic,
communicated verbally and even consumed a perishable product.
5:00 a.m. My radiant, beautiful wife happily dropped me off at the school to
meet my students. Their excited chatter seems louder to me than a jet engine
before take-off.
6:00 a.m. The two coaches depart after a slight delay due to 10% of the teens
sobbing uncontrollably because they were leaving their families for 82 hours...
7:00 a.m. As we roll towards the border, two students discover to their
amazement that they are not in possession of the proper identification. More
tears... we stop at Tim Horton's to the horror of most students. They only have
American money...
7:30 a.m. THE BORDER CROSSING- the guards are frightened by our teenaged
students- the students were instructed not to speak unless spoken to. The
problem with this rule was they also did not laugh when a (oh my god, lighten up
kids) joke was directed at them.
11:00 a.m. Lunch- a variety of dining establishments are offered- most kids
choose nuclear waste-style food successfully marketed to them by heroes of our
society such as rock stars and athletes... The Chaperones eat at Ponderosa...
2:00 p.m. Just outside New York City now at a rest area- the bus drivers inform
us that the attire of some female students will attract most of the male
population of New York City. The girls change into very fashionable sweat pants
and heavy woolen sweaters...
3:00 p.m. Arrival in Manhattan through the Lincoln Tunnel- the first street
crossing with 70 teenagers... pack mentality means all decide to cross the street
at the same time. NYC traffic helicopters immediately report congestion- we have
taken over the city...
3:02 p.m. An exciting lecture on how to cross a street to seventy 15-18 yr
olds...
3:17 p.m. The first of many memorable comments... "look sir, a real-live window
washer..."
4:15:16 p.m. The first comment of tired feet...
4:15:48 p.m. 69 other students spontaneously comment on their feet as well...
4:30 p.m. Dinner at a "build your own" pasta place- teenage boys decide to
"build your own plate of food large enough to feed a small country..."
6:00 p.m. Medical problems begin to emerge- the cast of E.R. seeks us out for
new script ideas...
6:50 p.m. A discovery that New Yorkers show up for an evening of theatre 10
minutes before it starts... kids stampede to their seats
7:00 p.m. A wonderful performance of "Wicked" A Broadway show that is a prequel
to the Wizard of Oz... how the scarecrow, tin-man, lion, good and bad witches
became that way... now the Wizard of Oz finally makes sense to all of us...
Intermission- A few students leave the theatre thinking the show is over... wonder
why no one is meeting them outside except for the occasional stray dog.
Intermission- teenage boys discover why a baseball cap is not the proper attire
in a Broadway theatre
Intermission- teenage boys discover the wrath of this author when they are seen
wearing those same hats again 5 minutes later...
10:00 p.m. a professional photo in Times Square- all medical aliments seem to
disappear as students pose for this wonderful shot...
10:30 p.m. a few delinquent Grade 10’s are instructed to join the senior bus-
their social lives have ended. Locally charted buses take us to our hotel. On
the way, students become disorientated, dizzy, pass out, stop breathing, vomit,
split their lips and lose enough salt water to fill an aquarium. This all
happens in a 1 ½ hour traffic jam on a bridge. The bus drivers contribute by
getting lost within meters of our hotel...
Midnight- we arrive at the hotel with one student swearing at our chaplain,
another shaking uncontrollably, four not being able to find their luggage, 37
who can’t find their rooms, 63 who have misplaced their souvenirs and 6
chaperones who question the meaning of life...
Day 2 New York City
7:00 a.m. Chaperones discover that security tapes all the doors- no students
broke curfew (most were too busy vomiting into toilets anyways...)
8:00 a.m. This author, in his heightened sense of awareness pours coffee all
over his pancakes.
10:00 a.m. Arrive in Times Square... the students are unleashed for two hours to
shop and eat lunch. The author finds Colony Music and hibernates among the
fragrant smell of sheet music.
12:00 p.m. We walk to the Julliard School of Music. Most of the students have
now discovered two main questions- "how far do we have to walk?" and "what are
we doing next?" Apparently, the itineraries handed out to all of them are now in
the process of being regurgitated by their family pets...
1:00 p.m. Some students receive a tour of Julliard while the rest shop at a
bookstore (the concert they were supposed to attend was cancelled...) The Julliard
tour was surprisingly free of incident and the kids were very enthusiastic. The
Steinway grand piano in the main concert hall is tuned THREE times a day... a
second year student was our tour guide. One of the teenaged girls in our group
really made his day when they exclaimed that he looked barely over sixteen...
2:30 p.m. The tour of NBC studios- we discover that propaganda and marketing are
the key focus of this stellar journey into the heart of American imperialism.
5:00 p.m. Dinner at Planet Hollywood- this is where most student discover that
the attire some of them intended to wear indeed only exists in the rock videos
playing in the restaurant and not on the streets of New York.
8:00 p.m. We attend the off-Broadway show, Blue Man Group. For those of you
unfamiliar with this show, picture a modern-day Rocky Horror Picture Show. This
was the highlight for most students on the trip, especially when being covered
in toilet paper at the end of the show (you had to be there...)
10:00 p.m. Students are not allowed to board the bus until all the toilet paper
is taken from their possession. We return to the hotel without medical
emergencies or traffic jams. The hotel staff welcomes us as usual with open
arms...
Day 3 New York City
8:00 a.m. Breakfast is without incident...
10:00 a.m. A guided bus tour of Manhattan- a history of New York City that all
students respectfully listened to... (or slept through) A stop at Ground Zero
affected many of the older students. This was history coming alive for them.
Unfortunately, there were street hustlers around trying to sell the students
photo albums of that dreadful day. It was sickening...
11:00 a.m. As the tour progressed, many students found the genitals of a bronze
bull near Wall Street very fascinating.
12:00 p.m. Lunch at the South Street Seaport- weather was a fantastic 20C! Most
students chose to remain inside and explore the fascinating stores that we find
in every Canadian Mall.
2:00 p.m. A walk halfway across the Brooklyn Bridge proved to be a test of
physical endurance for over half the students. Physical education, like the arts
should never be cut in schools. This was a sad commentary on society's next
adult generation. However, the chaperones felt young and spry as they jogged
past the students...
3:30 p.m. The Staten Island Ferry at rush hour with 70 teenagers...enough drama
for an academy award-winning documentary...especially, when after all students
were told to stay on the ferry for a round trip and security happily announced
15 minutes later that all passengers must disembark on Staten Island due to new
security regulations while oblivious teenagers explored the boat... this run-on
sentence brought to you courtesy of the run-down author...
5:00 p.m. All bodies accounted for, we head to the Hard Rock Café for some Hard
Rock music. Despite the requests of our "older" chaperones to turn down the
music, asking this restaurant to fulfill that request is like asking a Mariachi
Band to play Pink Floyd.
7:30 p.m. We settle down for a fine evening at the Lincoln Center to hear the
New York City Philharmonic perform Bernstein’s Candide. Most kids fall asleep
when the absence of a 4-dimensional pyrotechnic show complete with infinite
surround sound at an ungodly decibel level fails to grab their attention.
10:30 p.m. We are whisked away to the Empire State Building where over HALF THE
STUDENTS explored the gift shop instead of the scenery bestowed upon them
outside.
Midnight- We settle down for our last night at the hotel without incident...
Day 4 New York City to Sanity...
8:00 a.m. A very quiet bus ride home. The author took this opportunity to rest
himself and take picture of slumbering teenagers in positions even yoga artists
would marvel at.
12:00 p.m. Another lunchtime opportunity for most teens to indulge in fast food
while the heart-smart chaperones ate at restaurant called "Friendly's"
4:00 p.m. A stop at the duty-free where students questioned why this author
bought excessive amount of alcohol. Only parents will understand this motive...
5:30 p.m. A tearful reunion at the school for most families. The author's wife
picks him up 45 minutes later and in her excitement, puts our vehicle into park
before it comes to a complete stop.
So there you have it folks! I had so many kids thank me for the most wonderful
experience of their lives. That makes all this worthwhile for me. One hint of
advice though... if you want a vacation in New York City, go with a friend or
significant other only. However, if you truly want to experience something
through the eyes of tomorrow's leaders, go with teenagers. I had a blast! Thanks
for reading!
